When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
