Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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