Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
