Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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