Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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