I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
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I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
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Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
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