you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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