Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
