ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
