Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize