I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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