Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
