I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
organizing the empties. That sober.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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