I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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