Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
