At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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