just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
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