listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
