I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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