I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I love you.
Bad choice
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