Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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