i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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