I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
