I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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