Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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