He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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