i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
