i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
