What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
