Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
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Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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