Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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