We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
