So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
