is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
