other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
