i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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