Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
