He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
