I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
