She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
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