Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
