420 ftw
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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