i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
