I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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