I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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