Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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