Its about making memories worth repressing
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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