Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I need a burrito and a hug.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
