talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
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