the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
