Sry I called you an 8
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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