Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Randomize
