can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
