ugly people sure do ruin things
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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