White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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