shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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