that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
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Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
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I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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