Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
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