There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
