hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
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