member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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