my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
