I am puke
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
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