I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
