Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
