idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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