Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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