I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I need a hoe opinion
go on
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
