Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
