Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
