Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
