I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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