I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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