If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I am spending my child support on dildos
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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