Dude my mom stole all your condoms
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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