If i come over, it means nothing
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
