Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
